Unmarried cohabitating couples have higher levels of intimacy, self-determination, and democracy than married couples, finds research from the Institute of Sociology and Social Psychology at the Faculty of Management, Economics and Social Sciences.
The study, conducted by Prof. Dr. Michael Wagner (Institute for Sociology and Social Psychologie at the WiSo Faculty) and his former colleague Nicole Hiekel, investigated the extent to which relationship practices such as intimacy, self-determination, and democracy affect the risk of a couple splitting up, comparing married and cohabitating couples in Germany.
They found that the new societal norm of an ‘individualised relationship’, meaning being an individual within a relationship that fosters a sense of independence and self-reliance but also more emotional closeness and egalitarianism, is more feasible for cohabitors than married couples in the studied country.
“The declining importance of social institutions and norms around relationships has changed, and therefore what people seek in a relationship has changed. Individuals seek deeper intimacy, self-determination, and democracy – which they can get from an individualised relationship,” says Professor Wagner.
The findings suggest that having children, more common among married couples, could explain why married couples are less likely to live up to the standards of individualised relationship practices. Children limit the capacities of married couples to invest in the socio-emotional aspects of relationship function, decreases opportunities to feel and act self-determined and to strike a more egalitarian relationship bargain.
The research also reveals that cohabitors reported higher levels of individualised relationships practises. But because cohabitors invest less (kids, homeownership) into their partnership they are more likely to end in separation than marriages. Married couples benefit more from high levels of emotional closeness than cohabiters. Marriage thus remains an institution that protects people more from the experience of dissolution, particularly when they feel emotionally close to their partner.